I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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