my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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