I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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