Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
