After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
