let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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