I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
