Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
