What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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