I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
