Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
