Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
