I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
