So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
