now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
