i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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