Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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