Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
