I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
