plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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