can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
