I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
