Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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