He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
