I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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