is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
