It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
