also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
