Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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