May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
