Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
