WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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