there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
