I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
