He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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