I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
