If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
