Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
