will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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