dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
