Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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