I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
