this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
