I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
