That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
