My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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