i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
