Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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