My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
