why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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