guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
